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little white dresses

I found myself really emotional today whether others knew it or not I kept my bearing... I've lived a struggling life as a kid. Even tho my biological family gave me anything (or tried to) i ever asked for as a kid. I didn't learn how much they were really struggling till i could grasp the world. They had me under the illusion i wasnt in poverty as a kid, that everything was around me was normal. I thank and love them for that. But their were times we were in a struggle, but it was okay cause everyone around me was struggling too. My family, my friends, and the strangers down the streets. Little did i understand as a child that my family would ask others for help or my mother would ask others for help. I wore hand me downs, but i was happy. I wasnt able to go to camps like i saw in movies... but i was happy, and i wasnt able to play club sports, but i had a group of friends to find a random field or hoop to play on. I had cable here and their but not really, but i was happy. Growing up, i did what i wanted. Just about when i wanted, i know to most thats frowned upon. But ive always tried to have my head straight. I watched a lot of people do things they shouldnt, but i didnt understand till later that it was considered wrong. Somethings i would argue that it was for a good cause. Im saying this cause... i never told anyone, but their was a time before i left for bootcamp. I was out with my fellow poolees (people waiting to leave for boot also) and we're eating. Looking at cute girls walking in. Roasting people(making fun of) who we thought looked funny. But one person wasnt fun and games for me. I saw a kid with shoes with holes... I screamed out for the kid to come here. My friends wondering what im gonna say or do. Everyone knows i can be pretty "out there" or a "wild card". I asked the kid what size he wore. He looked at me as if i was about to laugh or make joke. Until i kept staring at him. Then he grasped i was being serious. He told me what size he wore, and i was happy to find out he was around mine (but my shoe sizes are always in a variety). I walked out of the restaurant to my car. Came back with all of my shoes and told him to try them on... they all didnt fit that well, but the shoes i was wearing i knew i barely ever wore(so they were pretty much new),and i obviously had plenty of shoes. So i took them off and handed it to em.. they were a perfect fit. I said keep em. His smile and happiness gave me what i wanted, and i sat back down like nothing happend or that is till i got by myself in the car. Then i lost it and cried, so many thoughts going on. Wanting to help him more if possible but hes gone with the wind. I hope hes okay... little white dresses

Later today, Im at the mall waiting for my buddy to get done havin a haircut. So i go get some food. Im eating by myself, and this lady comes up to me and asks if shes spoken with me, and i say what? She says oh i must not have. Would u mind if i talk to you is what she says... okay now back story to hearing that phrase. Every military person sticks out like a sore thumb. So everyones always trying to stop and sell us something because they know when we get paid and they know how much we make for the most part. So most of us either walk off or say no thanks and keep moving as they try to keep hollaring us down, but this lady... i told her of course she can. She goes to tell me shes being evicted and needs money and asks if i can give her some... hearing those words and seeing how she was and having that look was all to familiar to me, and i thought about what i was wearing (a white dress shirt, khaki joggers, and jordans, with a tight haircut). I said of course where is the nearest atm. She goes to try to prove to me that she just got a job and trys to show me her papers (trying to build her case), but i tell her to put them away and that i trust and believe her. She tells me how much she owes and i give her a twenty... i didnt say much to her and i hope i didnt come off rude or that i looked down on her, she was trying to strike a conversation but i was to lost in my thoughts. She says god bless and goes on her way... i was lost in thought at how many people had helped me get to where i am today. At how somebody out there when i was younger had done the same for my family.

My great grandmother taught me just about everything i know as a kid, she gave me the skills to survive, conquer and overcome, how to make money, and to not ask many questions in a time of need. She did all from example. My great grandmother was the purest lady to me. I later found out she has her own demons. I learned from that too. Shes still my idol and rock. I dont bring these up for praise or sympathy i bring these up to say. A lot of people think ive changed and are afraid to approach me and i have. Hell my lastname isnt even really "vinson" anymore(didnt really have a choice in the matter) its "Mahnke" but im still the same old Davonte just more tactful and efficient then ever, and i will never forget my roots. My biological family praises the hell out of me for not conforming to the family ways and ive been proud of them lately because theyve cleaned up most of their acts also. Ive learned so much from them and i love my past. My present. And whatever my future has in store. And most of all i love my biological family and my adoptive family(sorry didnt say much about you but know i love you also), and all of the family i have picked for myself (my friends and their family) for getting me where i am today. All I ask is, if you love me and you see someone in need... help them cause that couldve been or was me at one point. P.S sorry if these dont all come together. Just was a lot on my mind.